In my life, there was nothing good: no money, no happiness, no normal family

Hello! My name is Eugene. Dad really wanted a son, so I began to Zhenya. I was born, probably under an unlucky star ... quite know what they say: "somewhere diminish, and in some cases will be added"; And so my life was not good nothing: no money, no happiness, no normal family, no love, no long function properly.

Probably the only thing what I was lucky in my life - I came across this good doctors. First love, she's probably the only one, and happened in 18 years, and nearly ended in suicide. The people who surrounded me at the time, supported and not allowed this to happen.

Although over the years I have often regretted it in moments of despair .. marriage I came out, becoming in the nervous system apparently some crazy fatalist. I met her future husband at a friend's birthday, 20 days before the Pope's death. Until now, I think that if my father was alive, I would not do it then.

On the day I chose a long time, where do I go: birthday to a friend or go to a birthday to her niece. Select the first: to promote rain and the proximity of the address. To come, which I'm a friend of her husband had never seen and did not know, although I studied with him 10 years in the same school.

That is why, I decided, and that all of the above signs of destiny, and so it is necessary (in a positive way, rather than to think that if I did not notice, may not worth it). Once in his family, the first thing I heard from his mother: "My eldest son - a fool, and you have found each other ...".

The money earned in their family mother, rest her unconditionally listened. I already had to flee, but apparently the death of the pope and the endless tingling from all sides that need to be married, it's time, it is necessary to give birth to children, and the idea that life conquers death (ie the birth of a child compensates for the death of the Pope) did their a business.

At first I could not get pregnant, worried, but it happened. My favorite phrase in-law at that time: "Oh, you're wearing nice, but when I was pregnant, sick constantly and there I could not do!". Married officially I was not going, I was all arranged so.

We can say that in-law and her husband insisted on a hike to the registrar. As a result, after my obtaining Russian citizenship by her mother, my husband got it thanks to me at the Russian embassy for a few days. When the pregnancy was already 7 months, I was put on the preservation, the doctor did not like my puffiness.

Here and there was another blow in life: lying in the US, I saw how the doctors looked at each other and realized that something was wrong. After the ultrasound, I was taken to the duty obstetrician, a lady of 65 years, worked all his life in the hospital, but do not have their own children, who told me in no uncertain terms: "you have to get rid of the child, he would still be born a monster, and will die sooner or later: at hydrocephalus, fetal brain! ".

If someone can imagine what it was for me .. so he child, living in me stirs, I talk to him and to give him to kill herself! I still can not stand without tears thinking about it. Began the endless circulation of doctors.

Special thanks to my then-gynecologist (I wrote about how I was lucky with the doctors)! May submit to the usual local gynecologist who has in the area weight of pregnant women, and in doing so he takes me by the handle of familiar doctors and professors to determine the fate of my child!

Generally speaking all different, and in the end the conclusion was the same: at the discretion of the parents. The family and the husband and his relatives in unison said, solve itself, you mother! The case ended with the fact that I signed a waiver of artificial birth and went to Russia to his mother to give birth to a child.

Daughter was born and the first days of the doctors did not see any pathology, including in the head. On the third day after the operation, when I finally calmed down, my doctor came and said that the child has not developed an eye, it does not open yet, and did not seem to see.

Compared with what we predicted, it is a little, but at that moment it was the next blow after sedation. Again there were hospitals, doctors, the survey ... here's a story here about my daughter. She's alive and kicking spite of everything and everyone, even herself gave birth to son weighing hero 4100. But more about that later.

Our dad came to Russia when he was informed by telegram that the child was born and everything is in order. About the eye learned after sending a telegram. Having lived 9 months, he went "to work in Moscow" and back when her daughter was 9 years. "Earnings" for all this time for some reason, were only the debts of everyone.

So that the daughter I "pulled" one, and each year I have dentures in Moscow and traveled every year with her somewhere in the sea, and sometimes more than once a year. I was always a shame when all holidays and weekends strolling families, and I am a child - one.

And in my head I have always been the idea that people think that "of course, their dad threw a girl out what .." perhaps this psychological dependence and issues and where your daddy ?, did their job. Papa appeared again. I am, in spite of a sick child, went to college in the paid training and graduated gos.sluzhby Academy in St. Petersburg.

Like everything was adjusted, the child's father was there, he worked on a regular work brings money, at that time we have enough, because there were no loans. During his studies, I also managed to find a good job. I thought that after the operation can not have children, but it turned out that the body is just resting, and 3 years later, I became pregnant.

My little son 9.5 years. For a long time we were five of us in two rooms in a communal flat with a bunch of neighbors. I was able to build a house, it was my first loan. My mother, who brought us once from a 3-room apartment in the city center in this provincial town, went to live in his house with all amenities, with no neighbors.

Loans that I took, I regularly paid, no debt, and closed them enough: VTB24, Rosbank, Alfa-Bank, Citibank, Sberbank, Eastern. If you had the opportunity, I worked several jobs. All my life I did everything myself, no one helped me and no one else had hoped.

You can ask about that any of my friends, neighbors, friends, relatives, it will confirm any of that, I always "plowed" and make money as she could, unlike their father, who could not work, or work, but no one knows where put money ... To think that here this asks for something.

Everything I do, I do for the kids. And she was, and she studied and earned. Personal life was not in sight. I went to work every day for 15 years to train for 2.5 hours each way. When her daughter began to study in St. Petersburg after school, she had to get up at 4 to go there.

Of course, such a study would be a long time did not last. Therefore, I took us a room, then found his son in kindergarten places and took it and took off for two rooms, so that everyone was comfortable. A lifetime to pay for removable housing is not going, and of course to think about the mortgage.

And of course the thought of all: take to yourself mother, a daughter and son and myself. That is, it was necessary to buy an apartment in which we would all be accommodated comfortably. But at the same time knowing that the mortgage payment will be rather big, he hoped that the times we live everything, and a daughter, when she turns 18 and goes to work to help me.

Mom with a pension and the children's father, with whom we have agreed to a certain amount, he will pay me (at that time he had a well-paid job with accommodation). As a result, Sberbank has approved me quite a decent amount of the mortgage, and I took a three-room apartment.

Each had my own room, all were satisfied and happy. How much money I put into it - it is a conversation, but as more and joy, love in its arrangement! The entire design was conceived me. I can show that it was in the apartment, and it was renovated.

Of course, the repair has managed more than I expected, I climbed in with a loan. But here I began the first zamorochka daughter decided to get married and had a baby, that is, assistance from it - zero, I still occasionally have to help them.

Ex-husband is addicted to drink and lost his job. As a result, mortgage fell on me. At first I even consulted, but then not wanting to dedicate people to their problems began to borrow from banks, pawnshops, and finally spread to the MFI because the mortgage had to be paid.

Still waiting for that father of the children still continue to give me the money. As a result of all this has led to the fact that if I'm not going to close all the debts of all MFIs with their frantic% and more, and mortgage debt is already 2 months (Obey the complexity of the debt is now around 500 000), I would not be able to issue refinancing .

And everything that I created - will collapse. And my son will be left without apartments. Son - the only light, though unexpected things in my life. And I'm ready for him to much .. If I do not find the money (and I make them in such a sum can only half a year), and% in MFIs are growing much faster ... 

I'm ready to take them into debt, but not under such rabid%, but within reasonable limits, of course under the% is still higher than in banks. I will be one way - this is my death, and so that the insurance company did not consider suicide and the payment of debts and my son stayed with the apartment, but without a mother.

If still there are people who can help me, so I did not leave her son alone, please write me an email jenny74@inbox.ru. I was chosen for so many years of misery, really do not want that it was all in vain. All my life I been told that I have - strong! But the forces are no more, I really need some help, if not me, my little son, lest he was left an orphan. Thoughts of death are becoming louder with each passing day, I did not even cry ...